Memyselfandhi.

About all things awesome.

Spamalot October 15, 2008

Filed under: News,People — mallori612 @ 7:11 pm

Shane Victorino of the Phillies has been pretty awesome the past couple weeks, hitting a grand slam off Sabathia in the NLDS and the game-tying homer in Game Four of the NLCS.  Because of these feats, he’s gotten some publicity as of late.  One reporter, obviously with no creativity whatsoever, asked him what food is his favorite.  Easy question, right?  He answered “spam musubi” and went on with his baseball heroics.

Until PETA, never one to miss an opportunity for publicity, got wind of this.  Spam Musubi!  The horror!  Shane Victorino, who plays for the team with the most vegetarian-friendly stadium, is a terrible, animal-killing jerk.

Umm, wait though… back up.  WTF is “Spam Musubi”?  Well, I looked it up, kids, so you do not have to. It’s a lovely little treat served all over Hawai’i.  It consists of a block of salted rice with a slice of Spam on top, with nori (seaweed) wrapped around it.  It is often served with teriyaki sauce, tamagoyaki (Japanese omelette) and furikake (seasoning), and sometimes the Spam is cooked in jelly. 

OMG, EWWW.  The PETA people should really back off, because obviously Victorino has bigger problems.  His taste buds do not work.  Because really, jellied spam and rice wrapped in seaweed with teriyaki sauce, egg and seasoning?! Thinking of that makes me want to vomit.  Ughhh.

 

Happy Canada Day! July 1, 2008

Filed under: People,Uncategorized — K @ 7:47 pm
Tags: ,

Today is Canada Day…the one day a year that Canadians are allowed to celebrate their independence. I want to like Canada, I really do…but I have an intrinsic disinterest/distrust in Canada stemming from the fact that it produced Celine Dion. It being Canada Day and all, I really wanted to shake those bad feelings and get over it. Today, instead of focusing on my intense hate for Celine “I am the greatest singer in the world” Dion, I want to embrace the more positive contributions that Canada has made to society and to my life.

Right off the bat, I can acknowledge that Canada has given me 2 great things, without which I could not live: 1) Maple Syrup and 2) Many Lifetime movies which were shot on location in Canada (to cut back costs, of course).

Upon googling “Canada”, I found this handy website, which really opened my eyes to Canada and why I should start giving it far more props than I do. Here’s a list of the top 20 most famous Canadians. I’m not sure why Sum41 is not at the top of that list…I think someone made a mistake when they put that list together, but anyway.  here is a list of the top 10 myths about Canada (Not everyone in Canada looks like the people from Rocky and Bowinkle, ok?!). And last but certainly not least, the top 10 Canadian inventions. TV, Trivial Pursuit?  Wow. All I have to say is…I’m a changed woman.

On this special day, why do you love Canada?

 

Things You Learn from Dating June 19, 2008

Filed under: DC,People,Rants — mallori612 @ 8:56 pm

Dating has a lot of implications, and various experiences teach you things about yourself, and others.  But sometimes you acquire actual knowledge or weird habits that are with you for the long haul.  Here are some things I’ve acquired:

* Knowledge of Canada.  When I was dating a Canadian, I kept up-to-date on Canadian politics and current events, and every now and then I still check cbc.ca.  Also, I learned about Canadian history and culture, and can name every province… ya, there’s not that many, but can you do it?

*Knowledge of Australian children’s television programming.  Last summer, my housemate and I “dated” (term is used loosely for a variety of reasons) a couple Australian blokes and after a night of intoxication, they showed us via YouTube clips from Australian children’s television shows.  Without them, I would have never seen Mr. Squiggles draw a giraffe holding an umbrella and for this I am eternally grateful.

* Restaurants.  I dated this guy Joe for a brief period of time and though the whole thing was a big mess since we kind of hated each other, we went to a lot of restaurants and I realized that DC has a lot of fun eateries.

* Adam Masterson taught me how to dress ridiculously and own it.

* Because of an ex, I use the term “muffin” often to express endearment.

* One ex taught me just how allergic to cats I am. 

* Currently I’m dating (again, term used loosely) someone who has made me consistently check out Indian women. 

 

 

Single Life June 9, 2008

Filed under: News,People — mallori612 @ 7:19 pm

Recently I was guided to a web article listing the 10 Things Every Single Girl Needs and the 10 Things Every Single Guy Needs.  I’ve decided to post these, with my personal comments.

 

UPDATE: My friend Jon (male and straight) has weighed in with his comments on the list.  Now my comments are in pink, and his are in blue. 

What Every Single Girl Needs

1. A fabulous photo of yourself.  I agree… I want to have a photo that when I’m eighty, I can show my grandkids to prove that once upon a time, I was, as the article states, “a total dish.”   Something that says gently whispers, “No big deal, just an old modeling headshot.” 

2. A pretty pair of heels.  Or 20.  The higher the heel, the sexier the leg.

3. An Eminem cd.  WTF?  No.  This article says a guy is going to panic if he sees all girl bands in my cd collection, and Eminem shows I have an open mind and am not easily offended.  I say, WTF.  First of all, I do not have a cd collection.  Secondly, Eminem sucks.  There is something ridiculously sexy about an educated, successful, independent single woman screaming “I just don’t give a fuuuuuuuuuck!”

4. A great pickup line…and a way to blow them off.  I do not need to use pickup lines, thankyouverymuch.  Oh, and I don’t put too much thought/energy into blowing pickup lines off.  Ladies, you don’t need a line. Just be yourself and let the cards fall where they may. Guys are always, and I mean always on the prowl. Just sit back relax with your girls and let him come to you. If he is attracted to you, you’ll know. If not, you’ll know.

5. A 6-pack of decent bottled beer.  Agreed.  Especially seasonal ale. 

6. Bathroom reading. My thought is this is for non-single girls.  Because bathroom reading is for poo-ing, and if you’re single, hopefully strange men aren’t poo-ing in your bathroom.  Grotius Maximus. We don’t want to picture you doing a number tewskie on the pot flippin’ through your Vogue. We all know girls don’t go number two until you’ve been dating a year.

7. A business card.  Holler.  With cell phone number handwritten on the back.  I’ve totes done this..it’s empowering.

8. Earplugs. Um, no.  As long as they aren’t’ used and lying on your nightstand. 

9. A straight male friend on speed dial.  Absofuckinglutely.  There is no better person to turn to for advice on guys/relationships/dating than a straight male friend who knows you and your crazy well.  If you have a straight male friend on speed dial and you are not f%$#ing him, he is not straight.

10. A condom. WORD!  If you want to be sure about safety, buy it yourself, ladies.  Screams slut. But responsible slut nonetheless.  Ugh, sexism- a guy can carry a condom in his wallet but a girl can’t have a few hidden in a sparkly decorative jar?  Come on now.

What Every Single Guy Needs

1. A top-notch coffee/espresso maker.  Although this is wonderful, I’m not sure it’s necessary.  A regular coffee maker will do, or, even better, a guy who offers to run out to Starbucks or the corner shop in the morning.  Nothing better than an espresso to start off the day. Plus what girl isn’t impressed by a guy with a stainless steel espresso maker and even better, knows how to use it.

2. A lamp in your bedroom.  Yes, nothing is worse than sleeping in a cave.  Obvi… Need light to read, hence the leather-bound collection of British literature adorning your cherry wood bookshelf.

3. Swiffer sweeper + Swiffer cloths + Swiffer wet cloths.  As the article states, “For her, walking across your floor barefoot should not be an exercise in muck tolerance…the Swiffer will make quick work of your bathroom floor, a necessity if you ever want her to visit again.”  Not a necessity, but a clean bathroom goes a long way. And a dirty one…nights over.

4. A comfortable couch.  Agreed.  With a comfortable throw to keep your lady friend (or grandpa) warm.

5. Nice underwear.  Oh God, yes.  Nothing is more of a turn-off than a guy who removes his pants only to show tighty whities, cartoon characters, or holes.  Nice=zestfully clean. Presentation is everything.  A spray of cologne is always a nice touch. I recommend a sweet scent such as John Paul Gautier or Joop!, or Mambo by Liz Claiborne. (Chicks love it)

6. A key-ring that can fix, cut, open anything.  Helpful in any situation, and will make girls feel like you are a manly man.  With this tool, girls will think you could protect them in the woods of Montana and also assemble a book shelf in their DC apartment.  Always a good idea.  Lets the girl know you’re ready for anything and can save her life, fix her faucet, or open her beer at a moments notice.

7. $150+ jeans. The price isn’t important, but the sentiment is there.  A good pair of jeans- Sevens, Citizens, Diesel, anything- is def a great idea.  They’ll make a guy look hot, and also like he cares about his appearance.  A truly wonderful investment.  Check Filene’s, Loehmann’s, Nordstrom Rack or OFF 5th if you need a nice pair but are not exactly rolling in cash.  Price is irrelevant. Three things to remember. Make sure the jeans are not full of holes (unless you are a FAMOUS musician), tapered at the bottom, or whitewashed. Remember, presentation is everything.

8. $200+ dress shoes.  Let’s not be silly, here.  Just own a pair of dress shoes and I’ll be happy.  The shoes have to match the clothes. If you’re wearing a sophisticated suit, you’d better not be wearing black trendy sneakers. You don’t need $200 + Bostonians. Hint: DSW

9. 300-Thread Count Cotton Sheets.  Ughhh.. I hate that guys do not care about their bed linens.  Nice, comfortable sheets- and a comforter that is less than 8 years old- go a long way.  You’ll feel more comfortable in your bed, and guests of your bed will want to hang around longer.  Thread count is key. 300 may not even be enough, but it is a starting point. Add a feather-bed topper and a hypo-allergenic down comforter. Game. Set. Match. Time for an espresso.

10. “The Joy of Cooking“.  Why don’t guys get it that making a homemade dinner for a girl is the quickest way into her pants?  Romance + effort + food= what more can a girl want?  If you can make her howl over your sautéed shrimp and moan with splash of crème Brulee…go ahead top it off with a nice white wine. Again, game, set, match. Time to call your friends and debrief over an espresso. (Your second, you had one with her before you drove her home.)

 

Looking for Love May 5, 2008

Filed under: Celebs,People — mallori612 @ 6:34 pm

Rich Cronin, one third of boy-band LFO, is looking for love on Match.com.

 

From what I remember about Mr. Cronin, this is what he’s looking for in a woman:

Wears Abercrombie and Fitch (“I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch”)

Does not like Chinese food (“Chinese food makes me sick”)

Easily intoxicated (“When you take a sip, you buzz like a hornet”)

A fan of the Celtics (“The Great Larry Bird, Jersey 33”)

“Loves hip hop and rock and roll”

“Loves Fun Dip and Cherry Coke”

 

This is an extensive list of qualifications for a man who has the following characteristics:

Is a thief (“I’ll steal your honey like I stole your bike”)

Sterotypes (“Comes from Georgia where the peaches grow; they drink lemonade and speak real slow”)

Has questionable taste in music (“Loves New Edition”)

“Loves to act wild”

Did poorly in school (“I used to hate school so I had to play hooky”)

Possible speech impediment (“Call me Willy Whistle cause I can’t speak baby”)

Likes to state the obvious (“Michael J. Fox was Alex P. Keaton”, “New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits”, “There was a good man named Paul Revere”, “Macauly Culkin wasn’t Home Alone”)