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My Bloody Valentine in 3-D January 21, 2009

Filed under: Movies — K @ 10:32 pm
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I experienced something this past weekend that I feel I must share with you: My Bloody Valentine in 3-D.  I say “experienced” because seeing a 3-D horror movie – a terrible horror movie – truly is an experience that every person should have.


My Bloody Valentine experience began by spending $14.50 on a ticket and 3-D glasses. Yes this was ridiculous, but I chalked it up to the 3-D-ness and moved on.  We got prime seats (the guy next to us was strange though, and brought a backpack full of “goodies” – candy, chips, soda, etc) in the back middle of the theater.  Before I go on, I must say as a disclaimer that I unabashedly love the horror movie genre, and embrace both terrible and well-done horror movies equally. That said, the plot of My Bloody Valentine is God awful.  This is coming from a person who loved Dead Silence, ok?  

Here is how the plot is summarized on IMDB:

Tom  returns to his hometown on the tenth anniversary of the Valentine’s night massacre that claimed the lives of 22 people. Instead of a homecoming, however, Tom finds himself suspected of committing the murders, and it seems like his old flame  is the only one will believes he’s innocent.

Here is my interpretation of the plot:

This guy returns to an old mining town where is he haunted by the memory of a massacre that killed 22 people on Valentine’s Day.  He was there and it was his family’s mine, but after the massacre, he peaced out without explanation, leaving a confused family and sad girlfriend behind. Fast forward ten years and he returns  to the town right before Valentine’s Day to take care of some unfinished family business (his dad died and he wasn’t even at the funeral, GEEZ!).  His return just so happens to coincide with a new wave of bloody Valentine murders, making him a prime suspect.  But who should we believe? The jealous town sheriff? Or the shady guy with scruffy facial hair who’s been MIA for ten years?  Only an abundance of overwritten dialogue (“she’s MY wife! I have sex with her!”) pick-axes, eyes getting poked out and full-frontal nudity will provide the true answer.


Now, I won’t spoil the movie for you, readers, but know this: yes the plot sucked, but the 3-D was cool and fun.  If you are looking for a fun way to spend the night with friends and maybe share a few laughs (yes, people in the theater laughed repeatedly ), then you should see My Bloody Valentine in 3-D.  If you’re looking for a Dead-Silence quality horror movie, then save your pennies until the release of the Friday the 13th movie on February 13th.