About all things awesome.

Like Cynthia Rodriguez, I’m Cheating on a Yankee July 7, 2008

Dear Shelley Duncan;


I have a confession.  This last week; I’ve been cheating on you with another Yankee.  The place in my heart where you used to be is now consumed by Brett Gardner.  He is only 24, and so cute with his little Southern twang.  He’s so fast; his baserunning is just what the Yankees need right now.  And, ohmygod, the boy has great discipline in his at bats.  He makes the pitcher work for the out, fouling the ball here, taking balls there… I had been watching him intently since he was brought up from Scranton, but it wasn’t until yesterday’s game v. the evil Red Sox that I knew he was it, and that I should let you know you are no longer #1 in my heart. 

I’m really sorry to be doing this to you, Shelley, especially while you’re on the DL.  Maybe one day we can be together again but I’m just not sure.  I miss your fist pumps and chest bumps and the energy you brought to the team, but quite simply, you weren’t backing it up with stellar play.  Brett does that, and that’s why he’s my love now.  I hope you’re not angry.






Sports Round-Up July 3, 2008

Filed under: I heart Shelley Duncan,News,State of the Yankees — mallori612 @ 2:20 pm

There are so many sports things to comment on, and I don’t have the time/energy/care to do it, so here’s my thoughts, in a nutshell.

  • Brett Favre is seriously considering un-retiring.  I love Favre; he’s my favorite old-guy crush, and though I’d enjoy staring at his tight ass for another season, enough is enough.  When you retire, just effing retire.  Oh, and think of Aaron Rodgers… boyfriend’s been sitting tight, waiting for his moment for years now.  Don’t dash his dreams again; he might lose it.
  • The Yankees couldn’t seem to hit…until last night when they scored 18 runs… and now, I’m sure, they’ll go back to not hitting.  Sigh.
  • Sean Avery, my favorite hockey playing Vogue intern, was signed by the Dallas Stars.  This is terrible, because Texas is where fashion goes to die.
  • Shelley Duncan was injured the other day.  He separated his shoulder diving to make a catch, and he’ll be in a sling for a while.  Poor Shelley.  He’s had a tough year.  Luckily, he has me to nurse him back to health. 
  •  Fucking A-Rod.  The rumours say he and Cynthia have split; he’s dating Madonna and she’s run off to Paris with Lenny Kravitz (who, as you may remember, once dated Madonna and co-wrote “Justify My Love”).  I totally believe the separation, because, um, duh, it was only a matter of time.  I don’t think he’s dating Madonna.  Let’s be honest here- A-Rod has an infinite choice of women; why would he go for Madonna?  Yeah, she’s rich and famous and stuff, but so is he.  She’s almost 20 years older than him, married with kids and in the middle of touring.  Seems like a hassle, you know?  They have the same manager; I’m going to bet they are just friends.  Cynthia dating Lenny Kravitz though?  I believe it, if only because it’s too random to be made up.  Except that um, he’s been celibate for three years?  Like, Cynthia, what’s the point?  It’s not like you’ll need the money; I’m sure your divorce settlement will be excruciatingly unfair (to Alex). 
  • The SuperSonics are leaving Seattle, like the always wanted, and going to Oklahoma City.  Whatever.  I guess Seattle fans will have to momentarily root for some other NBA team…Geography would have them go for Portland. 


Whatever Works… May 29, 2008

Filed under: I heart Shelley Duncan,State of the Yankees — mallori612 @ 3:38 pm

I’m going to avoid blogging about the current state of the Yankees, because it’s pretty depressing and I’m just not in the mood to be depressed.  Instead, I’d like to mention the Yankees current MVP- Giambi’s mustache.


On May 4, Giambi had the lowest batting average in the majors, .150.  Since then, his average is .382 with a .507 OBP.  Did he change his hitting style? No.  Get back into the druggies? No.  He took advice from Matsui’s vast video collection, and grew a killer ‘stache.  His turnaround has been so dramatic that he is now giving advice to other players on how to kick their slumps- grow a ‘stache.  Johnny Damon has started, and so has Shelley Duncan.  Ohhh, how I’d love to take a ride on that!


He’s back! April 29, 2008

Filed under: I heart Shelley Duncan — mallori612 @ 3:07 pm

On Saturday, Joe Girardi answered my prayers and Shelley Duncan was brought up from Scranton.  Finally! 

Upon the best decision Girardi has made in weeks, he said, “We like the energy Shelley brings to the club. “It’s good to see him back. He has the ability to bring a spark. We’re a high-energy team anyway, but he brings more. He’s like one of those little kids you let run around outside so that you can get him to sleep later.”

I love the Yankees; really I do.  But in no way are they a “high-energy team.”  Other than the pitchers, the team is old.  Melky and Cano are young, sure, but I don’t think you can call a team “high energy” if there’s hardly any base stealers. 

Oh, and Joe- if you need any help getting Shelley Duncan to bed, just give me a call, mmkay?  I’ll find some better ways to wear him out than having him “run around outside.”  That’s a promise.


Love Letter April 16, 2008

Filed under: I heart Shelley Duncan — mallori612 @ 4:42 pm

Ahh, Shelley Duncan.  You were demoted through no fault of your own.  Shelley, baby, I was afraid you’d get sad.  I was afraid Girardi had seen something that made him think your awesome playing was just a fluke.  But no.  You are still the upbeat, motivated, pumped-up cheerleader I’ve grown to love.  And, now through 6 games with Scranton, I know that your bat is still awesome.  11 for 26 with 5 doubles, 3 homers, 7 RBIs?  That’s just sick.  Oh Shelley honey, you DESERVE to be in NY.  You do.  Girardi knows it; he said he couldn’t help demoting you to make room on the roster because it’s “a little funky right now.” 

Shelley, you’re a great asset to a team- strong bat, can play a range of positions, and fires up the clubhouse.  That’s part of why I love you.  But I’m afraid there’s not enough of a place for you on the Yanks and you’ll be traded.  Other teams are going to want you more and more.  And then, yes sweetheart, I will be happy for you because you’ll get into the Majors and have a consistent roster spot.  But baby, I will miss you.  I just wanted you to know… I want to be Slammed by Duncan.



Shelley, Baby April 7, 2008

Filed under: I heart Shelley Duncan — mallori612 @ 8:00 pm



Shelley Duncan is currently serving his 2 game suspension because of that silly little cleats-up-slide thing.  I am sure the clubhouse misses him.  I miss him.  Hopefully he’s using his time off to think of some new cheerleading moves and to write me a long love letter.


Opening Day Musings March 31, 2008

Filed under: I heart Shelley Duncan,State of the Yankees — mallori612 @ 4:11 pm

n21200124_31216757_8938.jpgI love baseball.  I’m a girl, and a Yankees fan, so I really have to know my shit in order for people to take me seriously and not think I’ve jumped on the bandwagon.  But, it’s cool because I do know my shit.  That’s what being a fan is all about.  That said, here’s my random musings on the 2008 Yankees.

Joe Girardi has invigorated the team.  He has a hands-on, authoritative approach that will be extremely beneficial in shaping the young players.  The veterans respect him, and they know he doesn’t take any crap. 

OMG, young pitchers!  The Yanks finally have legit young talent, and so much of it.  It’s exciting, after years of trading prospects for veterans that didn’t always pan out (Pavano, I hate you. Oh, and remember Hideki Irabu? Grrr) .  Phil Hughes, a fellow WordPress blogger, is a future #1 starter, with a nasty curveball and great pitches all around.  Joba Chamberlain killed it in relief at the latter part of last season, allowing only 2 runs in 19 innings.  He’ll start as a reliever, which is probs very smart being that his stuff is very raw.  Ian Kennedy is the least-touted of the three, but has been the most consistent from the latter part of last season through spring training.  He doesn’t have the crazy power of the other two, but his accuracy is badass and he seems the most controlled of the three.  Speaking of young pitchers, I really want to just give Scott Patterson a hug.  He was just amazing this spring, but was sent to Scranton late last week.  I understand Girardi’s thinking- Patterson hasn’t pitched above Double-A – but the guy proved himself and was obviously quite upset about not starting out the year in NY. 

Oh, veterans!  Mo is still dominant, Jeter is almost digustingly consistent, and A-Rod, effing ridic contract in hand, is the best player in baseball.  Giambi and Abreu, in contract years, are looking sharper and more fit than they have in the last few seasons.  Mussina and Petitte have stuff to prove, hopefully they will, but ehh.. I’m not convinced.   Posada has a career year last season, and he’s still great, but it’s pretty much impossible for him to repeat those numbers.

Honestly, how the season turns out is largely dependent on the pitching.  Mussina and Pettite could go either way, and we don’t know how Hughesie, I-Ken and Joba are going to fare in the big leagues.  2008 could be amazing or it could be a disaster.  Let’s hope for the former, mmkay?

Lastly, I love Shelley Duncan, the winner of the BBWAA’s Dawson award for the best rookie in camp.  My love started last season, when he was called up and promptly became the Yanks’ #1 cheerleader, earning the nickname “Slam Duncan” because of his celebratory chest bumps, arm pumps and other displays of awesomeness.  My love affair continued this spring, when I went down to Tampa for spring training and was seated a mere three rows behind the dugout.  In a sea of Jeter, A-Rod and Posada chants, I yelled “Shelley!” loudly and with passion.  The first time, he heard but seemed like he didn’t believe it.  The second, he turned, waved, turned back, then turned around again, waved again and winked.  That solidified my love and one day, I’m sure we’ll get wasted and cheer together.