Memyselfandhi.

About all things awesome.

Dear Midwest, Thanks. Love, Mallori. August 27, 2008

Filed under: Booze,Odes — mallori612 @ 12:25 am

This past weekend, I visited the Midwest for the first time, ever.  I had an absolutely wonderful time, and believe it is only fitting for me to share some important points:

  • The Stanley cup stalked us on Friday.  It was there as we watched the Nats beat the Cubs at Wrigley during the day.  It was there as we watched the Eddie Vedder concert on Friday night.  Everywhere.
  • People in Chicago, as a whole, are extremely nice but not very attractive.  Sorry.
  • Friday evening, Audra and I got into a cab with a strange man because we couldn’t find one of our own.  We had no idea that this would lead to drinking Grey Goose and Champagne with orthopedic surgeons for NHL teams.  The booze was served ON FIRE by girls who wore underwear, belts, wifebeaters and furry boots. 
  • We stayed in what can only be described as Barbie’s Chicago Penthouse Dreamhouse.
  • I touched Sue the T-Rex’s tooth and then watched Audra gasp at the Magnum Paperweight.
  • When someone asks “say the first thing you think of” Audra says “Oregon Trail.”
  • I spill cheese on carpet when drunk.
  • Drag bars in Chicago are fun.
  • Taking the El from the airport ranks as one of my stupidest decisions of 2008.
  • Milwaukee is awesome, and has fantastic shopping.
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