We’ve all been there: standing at a party in a group of friends, laughing, drinking, maybe even telling a story…when suddenly something happens that for a brief second, suspends time: someone committs a party foul. They drop a glass, break a chair, fall down a flight of stairs. They spill red wine on a white couch, put on a terrible song, or perhaps even slap a member of the opposite sex. Time stops. And you, an amused bystander, can only turn back to your friends, breathe a sigh of relief that you were not the offender, and say “sucks to be them” or maybe yell “speeeeech”. Later, after the party, you will likely recall the party foul and drunkenly relive the details, exagerrating the severity of the offense with phrases like “man you should’ve seen it” and “you don’t even know man, you don’t even know”.
We’ve all beared witness to many a party foul in our day. But how do you cope when (GASP) you are the one to stop time…you are the committer of THE party foul? Well, friends, after being the offender last weekend (couch cough, breaking a sculpture at an art opening), I have come up with a few methods of coping:
- Run out of the room and seek solace in the darkness and anonymity of nature
- Cry as to appear regretful and ashamed, thus garnering sympathy from both onlookers and those whom you have directly impacted with your offense
- Turn to the bottle, drinking to forget the events that have just caused you great embarassment
- If you break something, vehemtly insist upon paying (only later to purposefully neglect to leave both money and your contact information)
- Make an impromptu and clever speech, preferably with some sort of quip poking fun at self that instantly sends party to uprorious laughter (note: only attempt if you posess some semblance of a good sense of humor)