Dear Shelley Duncan;
I have a confession. This last week; I’ve been cheating on you with another Yankee. The place in my heart where you used to be is now consumed by ♥Brett Gardner♥. He is only 24, and so cute with his little Southern twang. He’s so fast; his baserunning is just what the Yankees need right now. And, ohmygod, the boy has great discipline in his at bats. He makes the pitcher work for the out, fouling the ball here, taking balls there… I had been watching him intently since he was brought up from Scranton, but it wasn’t until yesterday’s game v. the evil Red Sox that I knew he was it, and that I should let you know you are no longer #1 in my heart.
I’m really sorry to be doing this to you, Shelley, especially while you’re on the DL. Maybe one day we can be together again but I’m just not sure. I miss your fist pumps and chest bumps and the energy you brought to the team, but quite simply, you weren’t backing it up with stellar play. ♥Brett♥ does that, and that’s why he’s my love now. I hope you’re not angry.