So, the War of 1812 started because the Brits were being fuckers, like usual. Napolean was pissing them off and they just took all their anger out on the U.S. They wouldn’t let us trade with France, which was annoying, because France needed shit and had money and we had shit and needed money. The big issue though was that the Brits kept stealing our sailors. They did not recognize U.S. naturalization so they kept capturing sailors that had been born in the U.K., or in the U.S. before the Revolutionary War; or had at one point served in the Royal Navy. Then that led to sailors forging birth documents, so the Brits just said “fuck it” and captured whoever, whenever. Oh, and some people out in the West were pissed because the Brits kept arming the Native Americans.
Then the war happened; it was costing a lot of money and neither side really cared anymore so the Treaty of Ghent was signed in 1814. Nobody on this side of the Atlantic had a working internet connection or phone so it took until a couple battles later for everyone to figure it out and stop the violence. The end.
Seems simple enough, right? Well a couple years ago I realized that in the U.K. and Canada, they have totes different takes on it. Por ejemplo, the Brits think they won the war. This is obviously not the case. They gained no territory at all; they stopped stealing our sailors and banning us from trade; and they quit arming the Injuns. Sure, they lost no territory either, but I don’t consider that winning, you know?
The Canadians are the MOST annoying about this whole thing. They seem to think it was them who fought the war, not the British. I get it- the troops came from Canada and most of the war was fought there. But, umm, they were a British colony and British Navy and soldiers, and it was all paid for by the Brits. My Canadian ex-bf was really proud that the “Canadians” burnt down DC.. not only was he totally wrong, but why would someone be proud of burning down a city, killing people and ruining impressive buildings, and on top of that, tell me about it when I lived in that city? This proves that Canadians are dumb, and could never have mounted a legit war. Another issue is that the Canadians think that the reason for the war was U.S. expansion into Canada. After 1940, just about no historian has claimed this to be true, at all. Invading Canada was a means of waging war, not a reason for starting it. OF COURSE the U.S. was going to invade Canada- it was a lot easier than invading effing England, especially since they were stealing our sailors. Oh, and Canada, we didn’t want to invade you then for the same reasons we don’t want to invade you now- Canada is fucking cold and there are French-speaking people causing problems left and right.
The Brits thinking they won is actually okay by me, because everyone knows the Brits are delusional (they still talk about the Empire, seriously). The Canadian thing is just kind of funny, and ties into my whole Canada-is-the-U.S.’s-dorky-kid-brother philosophy. They are like the kid brother getting all excited about beating the older bro at a game of hoops, completely disregarding the fact that Dad was on their team, and older bro played solo. Plus, they didn’t even win anything. They just kept the land we didn’t want to begin with.