I went with my boyfriend on my birthday to one of my favorite sushi restaurants in the hamptons, which has always been reliable, yummy and affordable. However, on this particular Saturday, my birthday dinner turned awkward. Here’s why:
1) Next to us: a Mean Old Grandma sitting with her grandkids and their overprotective city mom. “Don’t you do that again, you hear me? I’ll slap you…don’t make me slap you at this restaurant. I’ll slap you, don’t think I won’t.” “We’re ready for the Miso. Is the miso too hot? Can you cool the miso? Cool the miso”. Also, when a kid in the high-chair stairs at you for 50% of your meal, at first it’s cute, but then it’s uncomfortable.
2) Binge Eaters (Pre-Purge) sitting on your other side: “I’ll have the salad, the spring rolls, the sushi boat, and the fried ice cream, plus three sodas.” You know what? I think I can eat a lot, but those two girls made me feel like I was a poor African child whose stomach had shrunk to the size of a pea. (not that I don’t feel sympathy for poor African children, cause I do). It was to the point where I saw how much they ate and thought: Are they going to puke on me if I make a sudden, abrupt movement?
3) A not-good-listening waitress (“Hasty-Waity”). Me: “How’s the Sake Sampler?” Waitress: “Sake Sampler?” (Walks away, returning in five minutes with the sake sampler). I didn’t even know if I wanted it!! I didn’t know! That’s why I asked in the first place.
4) Mini-sushi for regular Sushi Prices. I know we’re in a recession and all, but come on…there’s like a seaweed, rice and fish in sushi, how much could that really cost? I never thought I’d say this, but I miss the sushi of the early 2000’s (ah the booming 2000’s).
5) Spillage on the table from the sake carafe ice catcher. Seriously, I was just trying to pour out some sake into my mini sake glass, and water splashed all over the table like some kind of monsoon and I felt like an idiot. Then my elbows got wet, and I was all like, why can’t the sake carafe just not have ice holes in it? Seriously. What is the ice hole even for anyway if you refrigerate the sake to begin with?
(Artwork by me).