Breaking news! Cocaine is bad. Do you know why cocaine is bad? It hurts Mother Earth. A new anti-cocaine campaign in Britain highlights the negative effects cocaine has on the environment. The British Home Office Minister, whose name is ironically Mr Coaker, and Colombian VP Calderon joined forces with their policy guru, the former Blur bassist Alex James, to show the world that people should stop doing coke because it hurts the rainforest. When asked why the focus is on the environment, the wise Mr James responded, “I don’t know why we care more about monkeys dying than people dying but we do.”
Did you hear that, cokeheads? Every time you snort a little coke, a monkey DIES. And then we all get more bananas, the end.