Montauk Monster Update July 31, 2008

Someone created an entire blog devoted to capturing the beast. Literally, the blog is called “capture the beast” and offers up hypotheses for the beast’s origins:

1) the Montauk Monster is a sleestak from Land of the Lost.

2) The Montauk Monster is the skeksis from Dark Crystal.

While I don’t agree with either hypothesis, I do appreciate the reference to Land of the Lost. The site also has a useful poll about where the monster will surface next and a thorough examination of the monster-hunter.

Best of all, I love the blog’s graphics. Someone is quite handy with photoshop…

Image from: http://capturethebeast.blogspot.com/

Dip-a-dee-do-dah July 31, 2008

Too often, Kerry and I blog about things we do not like, awkward situations and other things with negative connotations.  But, you know what? There are plenty of little pockets of awesomeness in this world that make it all worthwhile.  Today, I realized something wonderful that is often taken for granted- dip.

I love dip.  Any kind really, and there are so many different varieties to choose from:

• Standard party dips: french onion, ranch, vegetable, spinach, seven layer….
• Condiment-like dips: fancy mustards, barbeque sauce, sour cream, cocktail sauce….
• Foods that become dips in certain situations: peanut butter with apples or celery, marinara sauce with mozz sticks
• Foods that when melted become dips: cheese, chocolate, marshmallow…

 Dips make food, and life, a little less bland and a lot more fun.  Thank you, dip.

 

PS- The title of this post, “Dip-a-dee-do-dah” reminds me of an embarrasing childhood moment, so I thought I would share:

My parents’ divorce was really messy, and they decided that it would be better for my sister and I to have our own phone line (even though we were really young- 8 and 11) so that my dad could call without having to talk to my mom.  We thought we were so cool when we recorded the following, as a song, as our answering machine greeting:

Zip-a-dee-do-dah, zip-a-dee-ay

Leave your name, number and somethin’ to say

You’ve reached Mal and Christie

We’re not home

So leave a message, after the tone!

WTF Mate with this Montauk Monster Thing??!! July 31, 2008

Ok, I really need to post about something that’s been plaguing me for the past two days. First, Gawker posted this fucking insane story and picture about an alleged monster that washed up onto the shore of Montauk recently. Some people thought it was a dog, others hypothesized that it was a shell-less sea turtle and still others thought it was a viral-marketing stunt. Then Gawker published this follow-up article and NY Mag jumped on the bandwagon with an article of its own, ruling out the possibility of a Cartoon Network marketing stunt, and in fact scrounging up eyewitnesses of the “monster”:

” A number of eyewitnesses say they saw the monster with their own eyes. “I saw the monster,” says Michael Meehan, a 22-year-old waiter at the Surfside Inn, which sits above the beach where the monster washed up. “I just came walking down the beach and everyone was looking at it. No one knew what it was. It kind of looked like a dog, but it had this crazy-looking beak. I mean, I would freak out if something like that popped up next to me in the water….”This woman kept calling animal control,” said Meehan. “She wanted to name it after herself. I think they came and got it. The carcass. Whatever it was.”" – Nymag.com

Even Plum TV has gotten involved (ah Plum tv, I tried to get myself filmed by your camera man at a party last weekend, and you ignored me), publishing this article, which doesn’t really say anything we don’t already know. Thought they did contact “four government biologists” who “unable to identify the species of the animal from its photo and came to the conclusion that ‘no such creature exists’”. Marci Caplis of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service noted that rare and unknown sea animals did surface after the Asian tsunami, and although the recent East Coast storms are not of comparable magnitude, the animal did wash up on a particularly stormy day in the Hamptons. Others have speculated that the animal escaped from Plum Island Animal Disease Center. The photographer, Jenna Hewitt of Montauk, and two companions who also saw the animal, will appear this Friday on “The Juice” on Plum TV.

Now even Fox News – sigh – has jumped on board, having its oh-so-knowledgeable Jeff Corwin weigh in on the controversy. I just wish the Fox News people would go back to reading Highlights magazine and stop trying to comment on important issues.
Anyway, enough about their opinions. What do you think? I think:

1. It’s not a dead dog (sad)
2. It’s not a shell-less turtle
3. It’s not a viral marketing stunt
4. I’m not going to go swimming at the beach this weekend

Further reading:

Paging Darwin <Plum TV>

Investigating the Montauk Monster <NyMag>

Dead Monster Washes Ashore in Montauk <Gawker>

Montauk Monster Madness Spreads <Gawker>

CraigsList Treasure: Missed Connection July 31, 2008

I came across this missed connection on CraigsList today and can’t help but wonder – and hope – that it’s about me:

Lady Drinking Coffee at Starbucks in Manhattan – m4w – 45 (Midtown)

I spotted you at Starbucks in Manhattan. You were drinking coffee.

I was the guy across from you, also drinking coffee.

Email me if you think it might be you!

Fat Cat: Princess Chunk July 31, 2008

Those of you who know me probably know that I don’t like cats very much. In general I find them to be boring, bitchy and smelly (except for Yoyo, who fucks shit up). Anyway, the news this morning brought my attention to Princess Chunk, a 44-pound cat, found wandering in Voorhees, NJ without a collar. This week Princess Chunk is doing a press tour of sorts all around NYC to raise awareness for the Camden County animal shelter. According to this article on Gothamist, the shelter believes Princess Chunk is healthy, but the cat will have bloodwork done on Monday. A vet says Princess Chunk “may suffer from a genetic predisposition to obesity, a poor diet or other underlying medical factors.” The average cat is closer to 10-12 pounds.

The Worst of All July 29, 2008

Hey kids, I have another dating post for you!

 

When a relationship ends, it sucks.  There’s a few different ways this can go, but it is very rare for a break-up to not suck in some way.  Here’s the typical offenders:

 

• You’re the one doing the breaking up.  This is terrible for numerous reasons.  First, you have to figure out a way to tell the person.  Then you actually have to have the convo.  The convo could end up being of the “Why? I don’t understand.” variety, meaning you’re going to have to suckily point out all the things wrong.  It could be of the “Fine.”, silent variety, and that’s sucky because you start questioning whether the other person ever even cared.  After the convo, you just feel terrible and in moments of weakness/drunkness, you’ll probably question whether you did the right thing.
• You’re broken up with.  This is obviously crappy, because it’s a blow to your personality and your self-esteem will probably suffer.  And you’ll be sad, because a relationship you deemed good is over.
• The fight.  You and your significant other have a giant fight, probably about something stupid, and terrible things are said and you decide to break up.  This sucks because you’re hurt, and angry all at the same time.
• The disappearance.  All of a sudden, the other person vanishes.  This one REALLY sucks.  First, you are worried that something terrible has happened.  Then you realize the other person is just avoiding you.  You become confused and frustrated.  This is extra-horrible because if you bump into the person at a later date, there is no possible chance that awkwardness will not ensue.
• The thing you can’t get over, but can’t change.  Oh, another REALLY sucky one.  Everything is great about the relationship, BUT… you are of two different religions; your cultures are very different; you live in different countries… Things you can’t change, and eventually you break up because there’s no future.  This break-up is really sad, and produces the most tears.  However, there are no bad feelings, so the potential for a future friendship is very high.
• When a relationship is cut short by opportunity.  This is similiar to the previous break-up.  A relationship is going well, but is young, and then a great opportunity comes up for your significant other, like a great job in Florida.  This sucks because you can’t be mad about any single component of the break-up: you got along great; your signif other is awesome; you are happy for the new opportunity because you know it is killer.  This break-up has exceptionally high potential for drunk dialing, and for wondering “what might have been.” 

 

Which is the worst of all?  I personally think the last one, but I’m biased because I am going through that exact break-up at this very moment.   Please leave your thoughts in the comments!

Party Fouling: How to Cope July 29, 2008

We’ve all been there: standing at a party in a group of friends, laughing, drinking, maybe even telling a story…when suddenly something happens that for a brief second, suspends time: someone committs a party foul. They drop a glass, break a chair, fall down a flight of stairs. They spill red wine on a white couch, put on a terrible song, or perhaps even slap a member of the opposite sex. Time stops. And you, an amused bystander, can only turn back to your friends, breathe a sigh of relief that you were not the offender, and say “sucks to be them” or maybe yell “speeeeech”. Later, after the party, you will likely recall the party foul and drunkenly relive the details, exagerrating the severity of the offense with phrases like “man you should’ve seen it” and “you don’t even know man, you don’t even know”.

We’ve all beared witness to many a party foul in our day. But how do you cope when (GASP) you are the one to stop time…you are the committer of THE party foul? Well, friends, after being the offender last weekend (couch cough, breaking a sculpture at an art opening), I have come up with a few methods of coping:

1. Run out of the room and seek solace in the darkness and anonymity of nature
2. Cry as to appear regretful and ashamed, thus garnering sympathy from both onlookers and those whom you have directly impacted with your offense
3. Turn to the bottle, drinking to forget the events that have just caused you great embarassment
4. If you break something, vehemtly insist upon paying (only later to purposefully neglect to leave both money and your contact information)
5. Make an impromptu and clever speech, preferably with some sort of quip poking fun at self that instantly sends party to uprorious laughter (note: only attempt if you posess some semblance of a good sense of humor)

R.I.P. July 22, 2008

 

Today, Estelle Getty died, 3 days shy of her 85th birthday.  In honor of her life, here are a few choice quotes from Golden Girls, probably one of the best sitcoms ever.

 

Blanche: Is that all you Italians know how to do, scream and yell?

Sophia: No, we can also cook, sing opera and make love.

 

Blanche: Is it okay to sleep with a man on the first date?

Sophia: It’s a sin.  I don’t care what anyone says; it’s a sin.  But I’d go back to eating fish on Fridays if his holiness gave that one the green light.

 

Sophia: When I feel bad I have to take my mind off it.  There’s only one thing that does that to me.

Dorothy: Cooking a big meal.

Sophia: No, making love in a closet.

 

Sophia: Jealousy is a very ugly thing Dorothy, and so are you in anything backless.

Forging on in the Quest for Magic Berries July 18, 2008

As I have compulsively covered on this blog, my personal quest to acquire magic berries has been a long and arduous journey, one that sadly, is yet to come to a happy, flavor-tripping end. I’ve been waiting, and waiting, and waiting…but still no berries. NO FUCKING BERRIES! I wrote to Neel Shah…he wrote back that the berries would come in two weeks. Two weeks passed and still no berries. I wrote again to Neel…no response. I scoured the internet and found this useful article on NYmag.com, where others expressed their anger/sadness/disappointment at Miracle Connect and I was relieved to learn that I’m not alone!

After further research, I discovered that some have manufactured magic berries into tablet form, which are convenient as they do not go bad (but they dissolve on your tongue in the same way as the berries). Turning my attention to Miracle Fruit World, I was excited to see that although the operation runs out of England, it seems to be legit. They even offer refunds! And they have pictures. I checked out their ebay feedback and it seemed to be entirely positive, so I decided to place an order for ten tablets. Below is a picture from Miracle Fruit World’s website. I mean the pictures look totally normal…right? The Asian writing and phrase “mysterious fruit tablets” just made me want to buy them more. Because who knows if I’ll die when I eat one of the tablets or not. A person from Miracle Fruit world told me they should arrive in 7-10 days…I’m holding my breath.

(Image from Miracle Fruit World.com)

Breaking News: Karl to Solve Housing Crisis July 10, 2008

(Image via zawya.com)

Thanks to Jezebel and Refinery 29 for breaking this piece of REVOLUTIONARY Karl news: “On Dubai’s Isla Moda (“Fashion Island”), Karl Lagerfeld is set to outdo himself again, designing 80 “limited edition” homes, each Chaneled to the hilt.”

From zawaya.com: Dubai, July 8th 2008: Fashion icon, Karl Lagerfeld has signed an exclusive deal with Dubai Infinity Holdings (DIH)…Lagerfeld is to design limited edition homes on Isla Moda, the world’s first dedicated fashion island, set in the iconic development, The World. This will be an exclusive collaboration between Dubai Infinity Holdings and Karl Lagerfeld across the GCC and India.”

“The metamorphosis of art and beauty is my passion. The discovery of contemporary mediums of expression has allowed me to pursue my interest in art, beauty, architecture and progressive cultural exchange,” said Karl Lagerfeld. “Dubai is a fashion bud on the verge of blossoming into the next fashion hub of the world. The city is alive with culture and rich in personality, making it a perfect place for aesthetic, fashion and design to flourish. Isla Moda has tremendous potential to be the style icon of the future and I intend on driving the island to high style stardom,” he added.

Note to self: start saving money for 30th birthday trip with Mallori to Fashion Island in Dubai.

More reading: http://www.zawya.com/Story.cfm/sidZAWYA20080708091518

http://pipeline.refinery29.com/news/chanelements_lagerfeld_solves.php